I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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