Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
