there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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