I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He better not be in your backpack
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
