apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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