sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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