I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
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Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
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So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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