every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
