Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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