apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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