I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
