you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
