The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
