How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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