Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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