it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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