I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
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It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
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I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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