are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
