Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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