at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
