Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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