my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
