I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
pop tarts are not kleenex
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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