The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
