I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
