my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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