dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
