Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
