I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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