Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
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After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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