like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
