I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
