I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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