I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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