No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
