After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
