flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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