I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
