My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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