After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
