Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
