My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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