She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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