holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
