You can't motorboat a personality
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
