Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
