YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
