Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
