im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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