Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
