Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched a dick in church today
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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