Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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