i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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