My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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