It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
