Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
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i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
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Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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