Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
