if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
