Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
