she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
