the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
