turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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