he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
