Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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