i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
