this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
