I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
