sarcasm needs its own font
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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