so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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