I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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