East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
