i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
