I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
