tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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