every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
