Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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