He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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