1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
