It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
