You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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