My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
