Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
