will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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