So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
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it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
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She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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