OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
